This section covers:
Often parents don’t feel they can talk to anyone when they are suffering with their mental wellbeing on the unit. This could be because they feel guilty, or that they feel they should only be worrying about their baby.
Sometimes parents do not ask for help, as they feel everything will be fine when they get home, although people can continue to experience difficulties after they have left the unit.
Whatever you might be feeling, you are not alone. Find out more about how to get help and support.
I was completely focused on getting my baby healthy and home, and at the time, I didn’t realise I had been affected.
You may be worried that if you express that you are struggling with your mental health you’ll be seen as ‘not coping’, or that people might think you’re not able to care for your baby.
This fear can lead you to suffering in silence or masking how you are truly feeling. This in turn can have an impact on your mental health. To find out more read our page specifically for Black parents.
Knowing that you are not alone, and that you can talk to someone about what you’re experiencing, can be the first step to getting support.
Parents who have had a baby on the neonatal unit have described a range of emotions including:
Knowing that these feelings are common for parents who have been through what you have experienced might give you some comfort that your feelings are natural.
Be kind to yourself – there is no expectation of you to handle things in any particular way. How you feel may change from day to day, throughout your time in neonatal care and once you go home.
It is OK to not feel OK. Opening up about how you are feeling is not a sign of weakness – in fact, it takes great strength to talk about what you are experiencing.
The idea of talking to someone can feel quite scary to begin with. It might make things seem ‘real’ and that can be frightening, or you might find it hard to put your feelings into words. However, talking to someone – whether that’s a partner, a family member, a close friend, or a healthcare professional can often be a first step to finding what might help you.
It might also be hard for you to notice or recognise changes in the way you are, someone close to you might start a conversation about helping you instead.
You may find that over time it becomes easier to talk to someone and be more open about how you feel. It is important to take things at your own pace. Here are a few of the different people you could talk to. Take time to think about who might offer support in a way that’s right for you.
Feeling sad, feeling angry, feeling impatient, stuff like that, it’s all quite normal. So it’s hard to separate out at what point you’re suffering damage to your mental health.
If you have had thoughts of self-harming or suicide, get help right away. Contact your local A&E department, emergency GP service, call The Samaritans on 116 123, or text the word SHOUT to 85258.
You might want to talk to someone very close to you who knows you well, like your partner, a parent or a close friend or family member. Many parents get a lot of support from opening up to someone they know and trust.
In our mental health survey, of the parents who received support, most got this from family and friends. You may also find support from talking to other parents on the neonatal unit as they may understand what you’re going through, although every family‘s journey will be different.
Many neonatal units offer professional psychological support, from psychologists, counsellors and other mental health professionals. These staff are trained to support people with their mental health and are specialists in the impact of neonatal care.
Sometimes it feels more manageable to talk to someone who is not being affected by the situation themselves. Sometimes we find it hard to talk to partners and family members as we want to protect them. You might also find that you are facing challenges in a very different way to your partner. That can make it harder for some couples to talk to each other.
Some people find it easier to talk to someone they don’t know so well, like a health professional on your unit or your GP. There might be a counsellor or psychologist for you to make an appointment with on the neonatal unit – ask the neonatal staff what options are available.
Some parents find it useful to talk to someone who they trust that shares their religious faith and who can listen to what they’re experiencing.
Hospitals have chaplaincy services that offer pastoral and spiritual care to people of any or no religion. Sometimes people from the chaplaincy team might visit the unit, or you can ask unit staff if this service is available and how you can access it.
If you are part of a church, synagogue, mosque, temple or other faith-based community, you can speak to leaders, or members of the community, to see what support they can offer.
Bliss champion volunteers are trained to understand neonatal care and experienced in supporting families, and visit some neonatal wards in hospitals throughout England, Wales and Scotland. Ask neonatal staff when a visit from a Bliss Champion is next expected on the unit.
Our Bliss Champions are also available for a one-to-one conversation via video call and can support parents while their baby is in hospital and after their baby is discharged home. This service can be accessed by the whole family and can last as long as is needed. Book your chat with an Online Bliss Champion.
You can also email the Bliss support team in confidence at [email protected]
The Bliss email service is priceless – to be able to contact someone knowledgeable and empathic at your most traumatised and overwhelmed is the greatest gift.
You might not feel ready to talk to someone in person or you might prefer to access support online. There is a lot of online support available.
You can connect with other neonatal parents in the Bliss private Facebook group. This is for parents and carers with a baby born premature or sick, a community of parents and carers at various stages of their neonatal journey. This offers peer-to-peer support from people who understand the experience of having a premature or sick baby.
Child Bereavement UK – a charity supporting families when a child dies or grieves
Mental health - NHS – practical information from the NHS to help you look after your mental health
Mental health services - NHS – a list of mental health services
Mind – the mental health charity, providing advice and support to empower anyone experiencing a mental health problem
OK Rehab – a support service for people that may be struggling with alcohol or substance addiction
PANDAS Foundation – a support service for families suffering prenatal, antenatal and postnatal mental illnesses
Peer support for birth trauma — Birth Trauma Association – a network of peer supporters who have suffered trauma during childbirth
Postnatal depression and perinatal mental health - Mind – guidance on mental health following having a baby
Sands – the stillbirth and neonatal death charity, supporting anyone affected by the death of a baby
Twins Trust – providing support for parents with multiples
Young Minds – providing support for young peoples’ mental health
Many dads and non-birthing partners tell us that they find it hard to reach out for support while their baby is on the neonatal unit. This may be due to feeling pressure to hold everything together, to go back to work or to look after other children/family and the responsibilities at home.
Birth Trauma Association – information for fathers and non-birthing parents about birth trauma
Can fathers and partners get postnatal depression? - Mind – information on how PND impacts on non-birthing partners
Dads' Mental Health – PANDAS Foundation UK – information on how postnatal depression can impact on fathers
Dadsnet – offering advice, support and knowledge through a community of dads on practical parenting and fatherhood
Fathers and mental health – a guide for dads on how to support mental health and wellbeing
How pregnancy can affect dads and partners - Tommy’s – support for dads and non-birthing parents
We are here for you.
Get in touch at [email protected]
We are here Monday to Friday, except bank holidays.
The information in this section is due for review in May 2028.
