This section covers:
- Ways to care for yourself.
- Support for each other: partners, family, friends and community.
- If you have existing mental health issues.
This section covers:
96% of respondents to our survey told us that their mental health was negatively affected by their baby/babies’ neonatal stay.
Our mental health can be affected by physical changes in our bodies too. If you’ve experienced a traumatic or difficult birth, you’re in pain, or you’re sleep deprived, this can cause you to struggle and make your mental health worse.
If you can step away even for a short time, here are some ways you can look after your physical health, which may also help your mental wellbeing.
It can be extremely difficult to focus on yourself. You may feel like you need to be on the unit with your baby as much as you can, you may be dashing between work and the unit or looking after other children.
Finding small amounts of time to do something that makes you feel good and more like yourself can really help.
Some people find it helpful to make time to think and talk about “ordinary life” outside of the unit. Making time to keep doing these things can help keep some familiar structure to your new routine on the unit. Here are some ways to care for yourself along with practical tips parents have shared with us:
Try and get some sleep or rest – we realise how difficult it can be to sleep at times of worry and stress, but sleep can have a big impact on improving your mental health. Breathing exercises or mindfulness may help with relaxation.
Get some daylight and fresh air – the artificial or dimmed lights of the unit can feel harsh or disorientating. Set an alarm on your phone to remind you to step outside every couple of hours.
Eat and drink regularly – not having the energy your body needs from food and drink can make it harder to face challenges. Bring nutritional snacks and drinks with you to the neonatal unit and set an alarm to remind yourself to eat and drink every few hours.
Get some exercise, fresh air and natural light – even a short walk, ideally outdoors, can help. Movement apps, such as Moova or Get Moving, can send reminders to help you stay active.
Try doing some breathing exercises – find out more from the NHS about how some techniques can help with stress.
Pause for a tea or coffee
Make a diary or memory book
Try mindfulness or meditation – find out more from the NHS about how learning to be more present in the moment could help you. There are apps that can help with this too, such as Headspace and Calm or the Canopie app which is specifically for mothers.
Have a shower or bath
Have some skin-to-skin time with your baby or babies
Help thinking about some of your feelings – writing or talking can help to get some of the difficult emotions, worries or fears out of your head. This alone can help lighten your thoughts. You could talk with other parents on the unit, arrange a video call with a Bliss champion, talk to the unit's psychologist / counsellor if available, or friends and family.
Spend time with family or friends
Follow family and cultural traditions as much as possible
I had a date bar, hot chocolate sachets, I had all these little snacks… and in that way I was able to take care of myself.
We know that keeping families and babies together is good for both, and Bliss supports and empowers parents to be involved in their baby’s care on the neonatal unit. But we also hear very different experiences from parents when it comes to spending time on the unit and how this impacts their mental health.
Some parents will want to spend all the time they can with their baby, and others might find it very difficult to be on the unit.
Allow family and friends to be part of your journey and reach out for support. Having a baby on the neonatal unit can feel isolating. Sharing your thoughts and emotions with people you trust or a professional can be incredibly helpful.
Having a premature or sick baby can be an isolating experience. Black parents have told us that this is compounded by being treated differently by staff and other parents on the unit assuming that their cultural differences are an issue.
We know that Black families experience neonatal care differently and that mental health doesn’t look the same for everyone. If you are a Black parent, find information tailored to you here.
In this clip from our longer podcast focusing on the experiences two Black parents had while their babies were in neonatal care, Manuella reflects on how racism in the UK has made her feel like a visitor and how that impacted how she felt on the NICU.
Many parents find support in talking with their partner, friends and family. It can help to choose one or two people to talk to who know what you are going through and you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with.
Visitors to the neonatal unit can offer helpful support, but their needs – such as wanting directions to the hospital, or their reaction to being on a neonatal ward – can create extra stress for you. Keeping people updated on how your baby is doing can also feel like a burden, especially if they need reassurance.
Nominating one trusted person to communicate for you with a wider group of friends and family can help free up some time for you to focus on your baby and your own wellbeing.
Family members and friends can find out more about supporting their loved ones here.
For some parents with older children at home, it can feel very difficult to explain what has happened, why they aren’t at home as much, and what will happen next, especially if you don’t know yourself. Being away from your other children can be extremely hard and bring a sense of guilt.
Neonatal units allow siblings to visit. Having your baby’s siblings visit them can encourage bonding and help your older children to understand a bit better what is happening.
If you choose not to have your older children visit the unit, some families have found taking photos of the unit where they are spending their time, and sharing lots of updates about their baby’s siblings can help children understand visually where their parents have gone and why.
You could show your older children this video created to introduce neonatal units to young children.
Making time to spend together as a family might not feel like a priority. However, a few hours can really help to reconnect with the important people in your life, whoever they may be. It can also give you time to talk about what you are experiencing, and to help process it together.
If you are in a relationship and finding it hard to communicate with your partner about the difficulties you are both facing, some couples find counselling can help. Find out more through Relate, a charity which provides counselling to couples across the UK.
Join the Bliss online community in our Facebook support group for parents and carers, and connect with Bliss on X and Instagram.
You may seek support from a religious leader, faith or community group. These might be part of your existing network, or you could reach out to the Chaplaincy services in the hospital. Ask staff on the unit how to get in touch with them. You don’t have to be religious to access these services. It’s also worth noting that hospitals have multi-faith spaces where anyone can go to pray or reflect.
If you have been diagnosed with a mental health condition in the past, or have struggled with your mental health, the experience of having a baby who requires neonatal care may increase the possibility of experiencing these difficulties again.
It is important that you continue any support you are receiving already, and that you let health professionals who are supporting you with your mental health know the new challenges you are facing. It might also be helpful to let staff on the unit know that you may need some extra support if you have struggled in the past or have a pre-existing mental health condition. You could also make an appointment with your GP to see how they can help and let them know what is going on.
If you are on medication for your mental health, it is important that you do not make any changes to how you take this without talking to your health professional. If you are breastfeeding or expressing, you might be worried about how medication could affect your milk. Talk to your health professional about these concerns – they’ll be able to work with you to find the best options for you and your baby.
We have more information on taking medication while caring for a baby on our pages about seeking professional help for mental health.
The Breastfeeding Network has Drugs in Breastmilk factsheets on common medications, managed by its team of pharmacists.
Get Help | Relate – supporting people to build better relationships and offering access to counsellors
Maternal Mental Health Alliance – mental health support for mums and families before, during and after pregnancy
Royal College of Psychiatrists – mental health information and resources written by qualified psychiatrists
When you need someone to talk to, we're here. Our Bliss Champions are volunteers who are trained to understand neonatal care and experienced in supporting families. They are available for a one-to-one conversation via video call. Book your chat with an Online Champion here.
The information in this section is due for review May 2028.
