My grandson was born in March 2025 at 26 weeks and 4 days gestation. His mother went into premature labour, and although doctors were unable to stop the contractions, they managed to move her to a specialist unit before the baby arrived, weighing 870 grams.
I was contacted by my son throughout the process, but the silences were absolute torture for me. I couldn’t help but think the worst when I didn’t hear from him, and I had to resort to using the internet to find out what the neonatal process involved and to learn about the developmental stages of premature babies.
We travelled to see the new family when the baby was four days old. It was great to see them all, but it was absolutely horrible not being able to touch or hold the baby in the early days, and I wasn’t prepared for this. The baby was in hospital for 12 weeks, and we went over many times to see him. He progressed well, although he was still on 5% oxygen when he went home, which his mum found really difficult to manage as she worried a lot about taking him out and people commenting.
The baby is now nearly eight months old (five months corrected), and thankfully he is off oxygen support and thriving. They go out most days to town or to meet friends, and he goes to weekly swimming lessons with his dad, which they both love. They even drove to France in September to stay with us for a week, which was an absolute joy and privilege. We made the most of every opportunity to take him for a walk, and my husband and I enjoyed as many cuddles as was physically possible.
There was no reason found for the baby’s premature arrival, which is worrying for any future pregnancies, but both baby and mother are doing amazingly well. The baby is meeting all his developmental milestones, and his mum had some counselling when he came home, organised by her health visitor, which definitely helped her in the early stages.
I sought help the day after the baby was born as I felt lost in a neonatal world which I didn’t understand and had no experience of. I was told there wasn’t any specific help for grandparents, but there was a parent peer support group who could support me, and my details were passed on to them.
Unfortunately, I never heard back, and I sank into a dark world of worry and fear which I had never anticipated. I felt helpless and just couldn’t stop crying, fearful of every phone call but also desperate for news about how they were all doing.
I wish I had been able to speak to someone who had gone through this process, as I felt very alone and my husband didn’t know how to support me during this really difficult time. Strangely, I went to a wedding in May 2025 and the mother of the groom talked to me about her son being born at 33 weeks (30 years ago) and how she felt at the time. She totally understood my feelings, and I just wish there was a support group accessible for grandparents of premature babies.
Unfortunately, I didn’t know about Bliss at the time my grandson was born, as I would have reached out for support. I do, however, have a phobia of using the telephone, so it’s really hard for me to initially talk to strangers on the phone, which causes problems for me.
My advice to other grandparents, or any family members who find themselves in this situation, is to seek help. It’s really hard to do at the time, as your head is all over the place, so maybe there could be some sort of outreach support made by hospitals, with a family support worker who can direct family members towards the most appropriate help.
We’re here to support parents and families of premature or sick babies. Get in touch at [email protected].
