If you are the father of a baby in special care, you may be finding this a particularly tough time. Mother and baby tend to get a lot of attention and concern, and perhaps no-one has asked you how you are.

"I muddled through, struggling along - trying to prop us up, going to work, paying the bills and trying to keep life as normal as possible." Father of D, born at 32 weeks and M, born at 30 weeks. 

We know how you feel. If you would like to talk to someone, perhaps another dad who has been through the experience and understands how you might be feeling, Bliss provides a parent-to-parent support network as a free service, for just this purpose.

The service is open 10am to 5pm, Monday to Friday. Call FREEPHONE 0500 618140 and speak to one of our advisors

How you make a difference
If you feel helpless about the situation, you are not alone. However there are things that you can do which can make an enormous difference. Some of these include being involved in making decisions about your baby's care, transporting early breast milk from home to hospital, feeding, bathing, nappy changing, kangaroo care and containment holding.

How to deal with work
It makes sense for you to tell your employer that you are in this situation. They are more likely to be flexible if they understand what is going on.

If you feel stressed by other people's questions about your situation, it may be worth explaining things to one person at work and then asking them to pass on the information to the others, on your behalf.

Asking for help from others
Many people find it hard to ask for help or to accept offers from others, but friends and family will often want to do anything they can to ease a crisis - particularly if you give them specific, practical tasks to do.

Other parents who have been through the experience say that friends dropping round with a ready cooked meal can be a real help, as can looking after toddlers or picking up children from school. This can help you to spend time in the hospital, supporting your partner and baby.

Keep things going
You are a key part of the team looking after your baby, and it's not always easy to keep things going. Talk to staff if you are finding it difficult to sleep properly or have other problems. They may be able to give you useful advice. Your GP may also be able to help.

For more information, download our leaflet Facts for fathers

Bliss has also developed a special forum on our messageboard that allows other fathers to keep in touch, support each other and offer their experiences and advice. This dad's forum is password protected so just register online and email admin@bliss.org.uk with your username so we can add you to the fathers member's list

For further information and support call our Freephone helpline on 0500 618140 or email enquiries@bliss.org.uk